Effective conversations

Effective Conversations

Summary

 * Conversations have many different purposes. Keep your current purpose straight, and adopt policies that serve that purpose.
 * Ideas:
 * Conversations are often about status.
 * Conversations move by local incentives
 * Keep your purpose in mind
 * Exercises:
 * ???

Logistics

 * Time: 30 min.
 * Teacher: Jacob (also in Julia’s area, I don’t know if she’ll teach at SPARC [Paul])

Outline
How to have productive discussions

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What is the purpose of talking to people?

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to convey information </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to obtain information </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to form social bonds [it’s really important to keep in mind that most people think most discussions use this as social context, unless you are at MIT or something. -Yan] </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to gain status </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">to get people to do what you want <p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">These are all valid, but know which one you are trying to do! </li>

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Yan’s rant on social context

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> <p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This is really the question “what is the <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:bold;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">social context <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">?” I think this is such an important question that it should be highlighted. I personally use the word <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:bold;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">frame <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> but let’s stick to <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:bold;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">social context <span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> for this unit. Just be aware that I may easily slip and say “frame”

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The reason I care about it so much is this: if there is one single source of something math-minded people do horribly in conversation: it is not understanding social context. This is the root of most evils.

</li> <li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">for example, believing that making someone else admit they are wrong in a frame of social bonding will greatly hurt your social bonds. Thinking that you are intellectually superior because your conversations are about information transmission is not the most healthy way to combat this. </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">failure mode: trying to match the context of <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">debate <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> (wanting to win by defending a point with any means necessary) and <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">dialectic <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">(wanting to converge upon a common truth) <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">. I really think this is the #1 timewaster of people who think they are smart. <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> This has two big failure modes: the other person doing debate but you are trying to do dialectic (complete waste of time unless they are right and you shift) or <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">you <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">doing debate but you <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">think <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">you are doing dialectic (even worse, since you’ll never shift and improve). </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">not understanding that most conversations for most people are in the context of social bonding, not information transmission. Spending too much time putting judgment on this instead of accepting it as the situation and learning to deal (either by learning to enjoy social bonding or by filtering for conversations about information transmission). Not understanding that people will actively avoid talking to you for social bonding if they learn that you self-filter for conversations solely about information transmission and then wondering why nobody likes you. </li>

<li style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">annoyingly forcing the current frame by treating it like one of information (I’ve seen from the lame ones of answering “the roof of my apartment” to “What’s up” and saying “you don’t care so why are we talking about it?” to “how are you?”). A lot of math/XKCD humor is this. Sure, laugh about it - I am a math nerd anyways - but it is your own fault when you don’t realize the social backlash you’ll get when you do this haphazardly. <p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">---

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Ex. 1:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"I was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross's honor; and during the dinner, the man sitting next to me told a humorous story which hinged on the quotation "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will." The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. He was wrong. I knew that, I knew it positively. There couldn't be the slightest doubt about it. And so, to get a feeling of importance and display my superiority, I appointed myself as an unsolicited and unwelcome committee of one to correct him. He stuck to his guns. What? From Shakespeare? Impossible! Absurd! That quotation was from the Bible. And he knew it. The storyteller was sitting on my right; and Frank Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at my left. Mr. Gammond had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare, So the storyteller and I agreed to submit the question to Mr. Gammond."

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What was the narrator's purpose? To convey information? (Or to gain status?)

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex. 2:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"The weather sure is nice today."

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What is the purpose here? To convey information?

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex. 3:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"How are you doing?"

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What is the purpose? (Two purposes: social bonds + information)

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex. 4:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A professor is giving a lecture. One of the students asks a question about some advanced topic somewhat tangential to the lecture topic. What is going on?

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Could be to obtain information, often is to gain status.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex. 5:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Students don't understand what the professor is saying but are unwilling to stop her. What is going on? Again, related to status.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">If your goal is to learn, then don't waste your time in discussions / lectures where you don't understand what is going on. Stop and ask questions.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Specifically for communicating information:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Logical rudeness:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Put forth your strongest arguments first (or the argument that is what actually causes you to believe what you do).

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex.: Young Earth Creationist argues that evolution didn't happen due to gaps in the fossil record, evolutionary biologist starts to refute the claimed gaps. Without responding to the refutation, Young Earth Creationist switches to biblical evidence for age of the earth.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Don't dance back and forth between arguments. If argument X is defeated, acknowledge it and move on, instead of switching to Y without warning.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex.: When pressed on whether the Bible actually implies a young earth, YEC reverts to evidence from the beliefs of his particular congregation.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Don't weaken your argument without acknowledging it (?)

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Flow of conversation:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Remember what the conversation is about.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex.: Discussions about math problems want to become conversations about the 2010 USAMO.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Discussions about robots want to become conversations about BigDog (or some other cool robot).

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Discussions about set theory want to become conversations about Banach-Tarski.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">These might be fine, if your goal is to learn about the 2010 USAMO, or BigDog, or Banach-Tarski.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">But if you wanted to get better at solving math problems, or learn how robots work, or learn set theory, then you are failing at your goal.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">All conversations want to get derailed.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">If you move away from the original point of the conversation, the default move should be to return to it (unless the new topic has particularly high / pressing value).

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">If you need to get something done quickly, don't argue about things that don't matter.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ex. When Paul and I were planning classes, we both agreed that we should include a particular lecture, but disagreed on why. We started to argue about the why but then realized this was unproductive (but note that it might not always be, if it is important to understand the reasons for disagreement).

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Updating on information:

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It's okay (and good!) to be wrong.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Congratulate yourself when you admit to being wrong. You have learned something new.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Respect others more when they admit to being wrong. But don't press them to make such admissions.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Don't start by writing the bottom line: if your goal is to convince the other person of your point, instead of figuring out what is correct,

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">then you can never learn from others. [yeah - I would call this “avoid debate.” -Yan]

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ask questions when you don't understand.

<p style="list-style-type: circle; font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">More generally: worrying about status is often at odds with gaining information. </li>

<span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Notes

 * <span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Consider looking at Julia’s combat reflexes unit from mini-camp (hacks for subverting status drives when trying to have useful conversations)